


The Coffeeshop of Mandos

by palanotar (telemachus)



Category: Historical RPF, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, post-life conversations, sachertorte, searching for meaning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-29 19:31:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3907930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telemachus/pseuds/palanotar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Valar Mandos, finding himself in charge of a number of initially confused human souls (having all died before publication of LOTR), arranges group conversations to debate the recent momentous happenings in Middle Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Coffeeshop of Mandos

**Author's Note:**

> As is probably obvious from the style, posted for my non-AO3-account-holding melethron, hence the pseud.
> 
> (My birthday present!)

Mandos: **So here we are then, welcome to this delightful little coffeehouse, so very similar to many you all must have been to in Vienna, although we are all a very long way from Vienna now, aren't we? Ha ha, yes indeed! Now do you all know each other? Hmm, probably by reputation but I'm not sure if you ever actually met in your previous lives. Introductions then; to my left is Paul von Hindenburg, field marshal and later president of Germany; opposite me is Vladimir Ilich Lenin, communist revolutionary and first leader of the Soviet Union; and to my right is Sigmund Freud, founder of psychoanalysis. I, of course, am Mandos, lord of the afterlife.**

Hindenburg: Good morning

Lenin: Hello

Freud: Hello

Mandos: **Excellent. Now have you all got coffee, yes? And do try some of the sachertorte, I am particularly pleased with how that has manifested.**

Lenin: Why are you shouting at us?

Mandos: **Am I shouting? I’m a Valar you know, we just talk like this.** Perhaps I can try to tone it down a little for you, is that better?

Lenin: Da, that is better

Mandos: Good, good. Now I realise this isn't the afterlife you were expecting, or even weren't expecting, but now you have all gone through some basic reorientation, I'd like for us to discuss some of the recent events in middle earth.

Freud: If I may ask, how do Valar come into being? Do you have parents?

Mandos: What? Well not as such, we were just sort of willed into being by Iluvatar. But that is really besides the point.

Freud: Interesting. How do you feel about this Iluvatar?

Mandos: Let's not get into that right now. To get back to the purpose of this discussion, I'd enjoy hearing your perspectives on Middle Earth

Lenin: But what if we don't want to discuss Middle Earth? I would rather discuss what has been happening in the real world. I am greatly concerned that Stalin and his bunch of cheka may have seized control and be taking my country in the wrong direction

Hindenburg: Yes indeed he has, but what can you expect once proper order has been overthrown? 

Lenin: The rise of the proletariat is a dialectic inevitability

Hindenburg: That for dialectic inevitability! We know how to deal with communist rabble in Germany. You are nothing but a jumped up peasant

Lenin: And you are on the wrong side of history

Mandos: Paul! Vladimir! Stop this inappropriate arguing about your old world. It will not help you. You need instead to focus on the world you find yourselves in now. The happenings in Germany or the Soviet Union are of no relevance to you now. The purpose of this discussion today about Middle Earth is to help you adjust to your new lives here

Freud: Interesting. But don't you think than an investigation into the key factors affecting their psyches would have more benefit in helping them to adjust?

Mandos: Perhaps another day. Today I want to hear all your views on the recent events in Middle Earth. I know you have all been watching on the public palantirs. Paul, perhaps you can start with your thoughts on the military outcome.

Lenin: Why are you asking him first? Is it because he is an aristocrat?

Mandos: No. I told you such matters are of no relevance here. It is just that Paul is on my left, and I like things to go clockwise. Now Paul if you please.

Hindenburg: Well, first of all, looking at the geopolitical situation ante bellum, it was obvious that the key military struggle would be in the south, with the realms of Gondor and Rohan opposing the rising powers of Mordor and Isengard. There was obviously also some fighting in the North, Rhovanion, but the outcome here was peripheral to the struggle in the south.  
So the key challenge facing the central powers of Rohan and Gondor was the risk of Isengard and Mordor cooperating in imposing a two front war. Rohan in particular was also militarily unprepared due to successful espionage and diplomacy by Isengard. The was resolved in large part due to the counter-espionage of the wizard known as Gandalf the White, who was able to successfully change policy in Rohan. A better plan would have been to have achieved this sooner, then Rohan would have had time to rearm and could perhaps have prosecuted an offensive war designed to knock Isengard out of the war early on. But this was left too late, so only a defensive war could be waged, with the decisive battle obviously at Helms Deep. In many ways this gave a similar result to the western front in the Great War which also resulted in stalemate

Lenin: You are not supposed to be talking about the real world...

Mandos: Analogy is acceptable, please continue Paul

Hindenburg: As I was saying, the battle of Helms Deep, although a clear tactical victory for the central powers, only resulted in a strategic stalemate. It required the intervention of the wood spirits from Fangorn to overthrow Isengard and take them out of the war. The element of strategic surprise achieved by these wood spirits seems to have been decisive here.

Mandos: The Ents, or sometimes Onodrim, yes.

Hindenburg: Regardless of what they are called, after this one victory they, like many of the other non-human races, abstained from further aggression and instead consolidated their gains, leaving the greater struggle in the East to the realms of Men. Almost as if after trench warfare settled down, Switzerland had suddenly invaded France, capturing Paris

Lenin: How absurd

Hindenburg: Yes, it is absurd, but war is often absurd. The non-human allies of the central powers have throughout this period only generally fought defensive wars risking their armies beyond their borders only when great opportunity presented itself. Look for example at the elves of Lothlorien. Despite holding one of the three elven rings, they kept themselves isolated until after the downfall of Mordor, whereupon they annexed the southern part of Mirkwood. 

Lenin: Typical imperialist behaviour

Hindenburg: There is nothing wrong with imperialism, and for declining powers they conducted themselves quite well. But this war was most importantly about the contest between the rising powers, the central realms of Men, and the Alliance of the two towers. After Isengard had been defeated, Rohan was able to utilise the high mobility of their forces to swiftly move to the Eastern front, relieving their ally Gondor which had also been trapped in a defensive war

Freud: I think Denethor is a fascinating individual. So many neuroses. His sons too of course.

Mandos: Let's come back to that later Sigmund

Hindenburg: As I was saying, Gondor was in a defensive war but once reinforced by Rohan, and under the new regime once again influenced by Gandalf the White, Gondor was able to attempt an invasion of Ithilien. This advance, although bold, was ultimately unlikely to succeed as Mordor's supply lines were shortened. Predictably the expeditionary army of the central powers was surrounded and risked destruction at the battle of the black gates, were it not for the destruction of the ring, sent as a desperate gamble into Mordor itself. There is an interesting parallel with the sealed train carriage containing tovarisch Lenin here which we Germans sent through to St Petersburg to destroy the tsar's power and take Russia out of the Great War.

Lenin: Are you comparing me and my comrades to the ring of power or to hobbits here?

Hindenburg: Well, I was not going to take the analogy that far, but now you mention it, as the individual agent who actually destroyed the power of the East, you would be the creature Gollum...

Lenin: (splutters coffee)

Mandos: Thank you Paul, I think that is enough of that for now. Perhaps, Vladimir Illich, you would be kind enough to let us know your thoughts on the sociopolitical aspects of these events?

Lenin: What is the point? This is all a hallucination anyway. There is no afterlife, or any gods or valar, only the real world is real

Freud: That is an interesting viewpoint, tell me more

Mandos: No, not now. Save it for your regular Deconstructing Materialism group Vladimir. And I heard you were doing so well. A pity. Perhaps for now you could share your thoughts on Middle Earth as if it were real, I think that would help you?

Lenin: If you insist. To me it is obvious that all of the nations of Middle Earth remain at a very primitive stage of their sociological development. Most nations are still in a state of aristocracy and feudalism. I believe the Elves are mostly responsible for this. Their long lives retard their political development, and their intelligentsia hegemonically extend their distortive influence into the political structures of other peoples. Take the kingdom of Gondor for instance. Elven women bestowing jewels, banners and their hands in marriage is no basis for a system of government. No, I'm afraid nothing can be hoped for from the realms of Men for some time to come, except perhaps some works of art.

Mandos: Art?

Lenin: Yes. I thought for example that the statues of the Argonath showed promise, almost socialist realism in style

Hindenburg: Except without the socialism

Lenin: Unfortunately yes.

Mandos: This is a good point Vladimir Ilich, well done. Do you perhaps see any evidence of social progress amongst and other peoples of Middle Earth? The Dwarves perhaps?

Lenin: I haven't seen too much of the Dwarves, but what I have seen doesn't give me much hope. Although they seem to have some small scale industrial development, socially they are still in a system of clan based feudalism. I see little chance of them even developing a bourgeoisie, let alone a proletariat any time soon

Freud: Do you think the Dwarves twin beliefs in reincarnation and ancestor worship might have something to do with this? I feel it must inevitably leave them deeply conflicted

Lenin: You might be right. Religion is the opium of the people after all. It would be similar to the Chinese in the real world suddenly developing socialism. Dialectically inevitable in the long run, but several intermediate stages to go through first.  
No, the only people in Middle Earth to have developed a bourgeoisie are the Hobbits of the Shire. Although they have some vestigial aristocratic institutions such as the thane, much practical political power has already shifted to the mayor. They do remain hopelessly agrarian, and in this sense it is a shame that the industrialisation project started by Otho Sackville-Baggins was overturned in the counterrevolutionary scouring of the shire. If the industrialisation had been continued instead, then many or most of the Hobbits would have found themselves in a proletarian class which would have offered hope and potential for the future

Hindenburg: But the industrialisation of the Shire was orchestrated by the evil wizard Saruman!

Lenin: Yes indeed, but that is the nature of history. In the real world most industrialisations were driven by evil capitalist imperialists, the robber barons. It was not their aim to foster the creation of a progressive proletariat, they acted in their own selfish interests. Only in my own Soviet Union did we push forward industrialisation for the purpose of social progress

Mandos: Let's stay on the topic shall we Vladimir...

Lenin: Well, reactionary elements have control of the Shire for now. The only people in Middle Earth who have any chance of progress in the near future are the orcs

Hindenburg: Now it is you who is being absurd

Lenin: It is not likely I grant you, but they are the only race which has both some element of industrialisation, and also a proletarian class of workers in that industry. What is clearly lacking as yet is the necessary class consciousness and party organisation to overthrow their imperialist rulers

Hindenburg: This is ridiculous

Mandos: Well I am not sure that Vladimir Ilich is being entirely serious with us about this, but it is nevertheless an interesting and original idea, perhaps worth following up another day. For now though perhaps we could turn to you Sigmund, for your insights into the psychological drivers of some of the key players in these events

Freud: Thank you. So the question is here who are the key individuals? Field marshal Hindenburg earlier made a strong case for the wizard Gandalf as a critical instigator of events, and I have much sympathy with this view. One can perhaps make a case for Gandalf's actions being driven by his desire for revenge for the betrayal by the head of the istari order, Saruman the White. However I find this surface motivation quite unsatisfying. The psychology of Gandalf was surely formed at a much earlier age, when he was a Maia in Valinor. As indeed of course, would have been the psychology of Saruman. Superficially at least these two probably had very similar upbringings, though my researches into this have been rather stymied. Still, there must have been some small event or events in their development which caused the ultimate divergence in character, and it would be interesting to know what that was

Mandos: Well, I could try and ask Yavanna to speak to you about this perhaps. She knew them both best when they were young Maia. I can't promise anything though as she does seem very busy nowadays, and spends most of her time in her own halls, the afterlife of the Ents you know

Freud: Thank you, any information or introductions you could help with would be most welcome. Now, Sauron, the other adversary, is also of interest to us of course. But, again, being originally a Maia, it is very difficult to gain a clear understanding of his early development. Clearly there was a great lust for power, cruelty and malice, all bound into the ring, but what early psychological trauma underlies this is sadly obscure

Mandos: I'm not even going to offer to speak to Morgoth for you

Freud: No, of course, I understand there are always limits to what is achievable. Perhaps one day I will be able to get Gandalf or one of the other Maia to come and have a quiet talk with me in my study. Or perhaps yourself Lord Mandos? Proper understanding of Valar psyches would be invaluable. I have a very comfortable couch.

Mandos: Let me think about it. Now, are there any key individuals you feel you can offer a proper psychoanalysis on?

Freud: Yes indeed. For me the key individual of the recent events has to be the ring bearer, the hobbit Frodo Baggins. And here at last we find an individual whose past we can investigate, and whose defining trauma of childhood is readily apparent. The theme running throughout Frodo's life is one of abandonment. The orphaning of Frodo due to the drowning of his parents is the event which dominates Frodo's psyche throughout his life

Hindenburg: But wasn't that an accident? His parents didn't abandon him; they just drowned when their boat capsized

Freud: Yes indeed, that is so. But it is not the intent of his parents which matters to the psyche of the developing Frodo, it is his own childish interpretation of events which matters, and such cases of traumatic orphaning almost always result in feelings in the child of having been abandoned.

Mandos: I see. But how does this affect the rest of Frodo's life?

Freud: Frodo's life, from his own point of view, becomes a story of repeated abandonment. He is adopted by his uncle, Bilbo Baggins. All is well. Frodo grows up apparently happy and well adjusted. But then, just as Frodo comes of age what happens? His uncle leaves, never to return, leaving Frodo behind. This must inevitably have had a disastrous effect on the young hobbit, reinforcing all the feelings of self doubt and low self esteem resultant from his parents drowning. From now on Frodo finds it impossible to believe that anyone or anything can really be his forever.  
Bilbo left Frodo two things of importance psychologically. The ring of power, which I will come back to shortly, and the attentions of the wizard Gandalf. Gandalf proceeds to serially abandon Frodo. First leaving him alone for several years, then once the ring sets out, Gandalf neither arrives in Hobbiton in time, nor meets the party in Bree as arranged. Now I think of it Gandalf does seem to have a habit of such behaviour, having abandoned Bilbo and Thorin Oakensheild's company several times during the quest to Erebor. That Gandalf was detained by Saruman is of course not his fault, but Frodo was left to face Black riders with only a few of his equally inexperienced peers as companions. Gandalf catches up with Frodo in Rivendell, but after arranging for Frodo to carry the ring south to Mordor, Gandalf again seems to abandon Frodo by falling from the bridge of Khazad-dum instead of fleeing the balrog with the others

Hindenburg: Again not Gandalf's fault, but I see that is not necessarily how Frodo perceives it?

Freud: Yes exactly. Now turning to the ring of power. This ring has already famously abandoned Isildur, and also Gollum, in its desire to return to Sauron. Frodo knows this, and the power of the ring reinforces his fear of abandonment. Frodo becomes obsessive about the ring, constantly fearing that it will try to abandon him.  
Interestingly, it is partly this very fear, that the ring will influence other members of the fellowship such as Boromir to take it from him, which causes Frodo to begin to show the first signs of maturity. For the first time, Frodo abandons his companions at Parth Galen. The psychological development is incomplete however, as he is unable to abandon Samwise Gamgee. Frodo reverts, being later unable to abandon Gollum, and it is instead, predictably, Gollum who abandons him in Shelob’s lair.  
Critically, at the very end of the quest, Frodo is unable to abandon the ring by casting it into the volcano. This is the whole point of the quest, and Frodo is unable to overcome his neurosis. Only by the action of Gollum is the ring destroyed, although to Frodo this must seem to be the terrible abandonment of him by the ring that he has feared for so long. Frodo is left broken by this.  
Only years later, when Frodo takes a ship from the Grey Havens, is he able to deal with this. By finally abandoning Sam, as well as Merry and Pippin, the Shire and all of Middle Earth, Frodo achieves maturity and reaches a sense of closure.

Mandos: Well, thank you for that Sigmund. And thank you also Paul and Vladimir Ilich. I hope you have enjoyed the coffee, cakes and lively conversation as much as I have. I think we will end it there.


End file.
